As a leader or a professional, if you are looking to maximize your potential and achieve your vision, you need to prepare both your body and mind to be at optimum. And, surprisingly or unsurprisingly, recent research shows that sleep, that is, getting adequate and quality sleep, is key to learning and retention, building memory, and acting with the right motivation, judgement, and perception. Research further shows that the right type of sleep is key to a healthy body.
Therefore, the first step to achieving your goals and vision could very well be to focus on restorative practices that can help improve the quality and quantity of your sleep.
This article describes 10 practices that can help you to build a regime that works for you throughout the day and night and create a calm and positive presence in your work and life.
1. Mindfulness in the Day eases Sleep at Night
If you spend your day always on the go and perhaps, in a frazzled or agitated state, then it will be that much more difficult to relax and go to sleep at the right time and for the right duration.
A very powerful technique that you can use during the day to stay grounded, calm, and in the moment, no matter how stressful or busy you are is Mindfulness.
My favorite definition of mindfulness comes from the Greater Good Science Center at the University of California at Berkeley, which defines mindfulness as “maintaining a moment-by-moment awareness of our thoughts, feelings, bodily sensations, and surrounding environment, through a gentle, nurturing lens.”
Here are my two tips to practicing mindfulness throughout the day:
Focus on what you are doing right now, right here. Do not think about what you need to do in the next hour, after lunch, or in the evening. Give your full attention to the task at hand.
At least once an hour, take a couple of minutes to straighten up, stretch, and take deep breaths to center and ground yourself. Let go of any emotion that you are feeling.
SUMMARY
Mindfulness is a practice; the more you practice, the better you will become at being calm and proceeding with intent throughout your day. You will find yourself recovering quickly from unexpected challenges, stresses, or disappointments. In fact, as you become proficient at mindfulness, don’t be surprised if you start to sleep better, accomplish more, and with greater ease!
2. Stick to a Schedule
Your body’s circadian rhythm is a natural timekeeping clock that functions on a set 24-hour loop and it aligns itself with sunrise and sunset. Having irregular sleep patterns can alter your circadian rhythm including the levels of melatonin, which signal your brain to sleep. Being consistent with your sleep and waking times can aid long-term sleep quality. One study noted that participants who had irregular sleeping patterns and went to bed late on the weekends reported poor sleep.
If you struggle with sleep, try to get in the habit of waking up and going to bed at similar times. After several weeks, you may not even need an alarm.
SUMMARY
Try to get into a regular sleep/wake cycle — especially on the weekends. If possible, try to wake up naturally at a similar time every day.
3. Get More Sun
Natural sunlight or bright light during the day helps keep your circadian rhythm healthy.
Sunlight improves daytime energy, as well as nighttime sleep quality and duration.
In people with insomnia, daytime bright light exposure improved sleep quality and duration and also reduced the time it took to fall asleep by 83%.
A similar study in older adults found that 2 hours of bright light exposure during the day increased the amount of sleep by 2 hours and sleep efficiency by 80%.
While most research involves people with severe sleep issues, daily light exposure will most likely help you even if you experience average sleep.
Try getting daily sunlight exposure or — if this is not practical — you might consider investing in light therapy by using an artificial bright light device.
SUMMARY
Daily sunlight or artificial bright light can improve sleep quality and duration, especially if you have severe sleep issues or insomnia.
4. Exercise Regularly — But Not Before Bed
Exercise is one of the best science-backed ways to improve your sleep and health. It can enhance all aspects of sleep and has been used to reduce symptoms of insomnia.
One study in older adults determined that exercise nearly halved the amount of time it took to fall asleep and provided 41 more minutes of sleep at night. In people with severe insomnia, exercise offered more benefits than most drugs. Exercise reduced time to fall asleep by 55%, total night wakefulness by 30%, and anxiety by 15% while increasing total sleep time by 18%
Although daily exercise is key for a good night’s sleep, performing it too late in the day may cause sleep problems.
This is due to the stimulatory effect of exercise, which increases alertness and hormones like epinephrine and adrenaline. Do keep in mind that some studies show no negative effects of late evening exercise, so it clearly depends on the individual.
SUMMARY
Regular exercise during daylight hours is one of the best ways to ensure a good night’s sleep.
5. Eat Healthy
A balanced and consistent diet made up mostly of vegetables, fruits, whole grains, fish, and meat is important. I go by Michael Pollan’s advice: “Don’t eat anything your great grandmother wouldn’t recognize as food.” And, his second piece of advice: “Eat food. Not too much. Mostly plants.”
You may also consider not eating right before sleep so you are not still digesting food while trying to sleep. Eating right before sleeping can also cause acid reflux which can keep you awake.
Consider supplements such as magnesium, melatonin, or zinc that have shown promise in insomnia trials if you suffer from insomnia.
SUMMARY
A balanced and consistent diet can help you get better sleep.
6. Limit Caffeine Later in the Day
Caffeine has numerous benefits and is consumed by 90% of the U.S. population. A single dose can enhance focus, energy, and sports performance; however, when consumed late in the day, caffeine stimulates your nervous system and may stop your body from naturally relaxing at night.
In one study, consuming caffeine up to six hours before bed significantly worsened sleep quality; therefore, drinking large amounts of coffee after 3 or 4 p.m. is not recommended, especially if you’re sensitive to caffeine or have trouble sleeping. If you do crave a cup of coffee in the late afternoon or evening, stick with decaffeinated coffee.
SUMMARY
Caffeine can significantly worsen sleep quality, especially if you drink large amounts in the late afternoon or evening.
7. Drink Fluids Earlier in the Day
Nocturia is the medical term for excessive urination during the night. It affects sleep quality and daytime energy. Drinking large amounts of liquids before bed can lead to similar symptoms, though some people are more sensitive than others.
Although hydration is vital for your health, it’s wise to reduce your fluid intake in the late evening.
Try to not drink any fluids 1–2 hours before going to bed. You should also use the bathroom right before going to bed, as this may decrease your chances of waking in the night.
SUMMARY
Reduce fluid intake in the late evening and try to use the bathroom right before bed.
8. Have a Light Dinner
Eating late at night may negatively affect both sleep quality and the natural release of Human Growth Hormone (HGH) and melatonin. That said, the quality and type of your late-night snack may play a role as well.
In one study, a high carb meal eaten four hours before bed helped people fall asleep faster. Interestingly, another study discovered that a low carb diet also improved sleep, indicating that carbs aren’t always necessary, especially if you’re used to a low carb diet
SUMMARY
Consuming a large meal before bed can lead to poor sleep and hormone disruption. However, certain meals and snacks a few hours before bed may help.
9. Avoid Blue Light in the Evening
Exposure to light during the day is beneficial, but nighttime light exposure has the opposite effect. Again, this is due to its effect on your circadian rhythm, tricking your brain into thinking it’s still daytime. This reduces hormones like melatonin, which help you relax and get deep sleep
Blue light—emitted by electronic devices like smartphones and computers in large amounts—is the worst in this regard.
There are several popular methods you can use to reduce nighttime blue light exposure. These include:
Wear glasses that block blue light.
Download an app such as f.lux to block blue light on your laptop or computer.
Install an app that blocks blue light on your smartphone. These are available for both iPhones and Android models.
Stop watching TV and turn off any bright lights two hours before heading to bed.
SUMMARY
Blue light tricks your body into thinking it’s daytime. There are several ways you can reduce blue light exposure in the evening. A lot of people take their phones to bed or sit in bed watching TV or reading. People who tend to fall asleep with the TV on or their cell phone in hand will likely get a light sleep compared to someone going without them. The blue light from the screens tends to keep people awake for longer and can lead to a low amount of deep sleep during the night. Moreover, if you take these awake activities out of the bedroom, your body will start to subconsciously view the bedroom as a place for sleeping.
So, when you do go to bed, your body will already be preparing itself for sleep, making it more likely you’ll experience deep sleep.
10. Consider Cutting out Alcohol in the Evening
Having a couple of drinks at night can negatively affect your sleep and hormones. Alcohol is known to cause or increase the symptoms of sleep apnea, snoring, and disrupted sleep patterns
It also alters nighttime melatonin production, which plays a key role in your body’s circadian rhythm.
SUMMARY
Avoid alcohol before bed, as it can reduce nighttime melatonin production and lead to disrupted sleep patterns.
How a Wellness Coach Could Help You
Many times a coach can be very helpful on your wellness journey by helping you discover what works best for your lifestyle and suggesting options you may not have considered. A coach can also help you with accountability as you make drastic changes in your lifestyle. You might want to check out the MMS NorCal Coaching Collective which features coaches with many modalities, skills, and passions.
Look for a future blog post on how to prepare for sleep.
Muriel Murphy is a Lifestyle, Health and Wellness Coach, a Yoga Educator/Functional Movement Specialist, and an Advanced Bodywork/Massage Practitioner. She sincerely believes the lineage of all healing arts is a gift of health and wellbeing for anyone who chooses to take the journey within. Muriel is an E-RYT 500 Yoga Educator (Yoga Alliance), MMS NorCal Certificated Coach, and a member of the MMS NorCal Coaching Collective.
Almost 50 years ago, in San Francisco, during the chaos of the Vietnam war and Watergate scandal, Dr. Cherie Carter-Scott, the founder of The MMS Institute started doing what nobody had done before—taking a systematic approach to human development and motivation and in the process, Dr. Carter-Scott, who is frequently referred to as the Mother of Coaching, created what has become a global multi-billion dollar industry.
Coaches Carla Morton and Lindsey Taylor-Vivier were trained by Dr. Cherie, a #1New York Times Best Selling author, a frequent guest on Oprah, CNN, The Today Show, and executive producer of the Coaching Movie LEAP.
Carla and Lindsey then went on to establish MMS Northern California to provide powerful Transformational Coach training to a new generation of coaches in the San Francisco Bay Area and the MMS NorCal Coaching Collective connects MMS NorCal trained coaches with clients.
In one of her workshops, Dr. Cherie created a handout: The Ten Rules for Being Human. These universal truths immediately captured attention, got passed around, were posted in thousands of homes, became one of the most favorite sections in the classic book, Chicken Soup for the Soul, and eventually published in the New York Times bestseller, If Life is a Game, These are the Rules.
In the United States today, the Vietnam war and Watergate scandal are now distant memories, but we are surrounding by even more troubling and perplexing challenges with the Pandemic, Climate Change, and Political Polarization. And, as we once again find ourselves in tumultuous times, here is a set of interpretations on The Ten Rules For Being Human.
You will receive a body.
We take our bodies for granted.
Unless it is demanding attention with aches and pains or disease—or we are faced with a pandemic—for the most part we don’t think much of it, other than how it makes us look.
And, of course what others will think about how we look.
The pandemic at least has made us more aware of the importance of taking care of our Human Body.
But as a society, we are consumed with what’s on the outside and this tendency is being exacerbated by social media, fueling eating disorders, self esteem issues, anxiety and depression.
We forget that what’s on the inside – and who’s on the inside—the “Being” in Human Being is what counts.
You will be presented with lessons.
As children, we explore the world around us and learn from friends and family. We expect lessons in school and we expect to learn new skills at work. Most of us enjoy learning—on our terms. We want to be in control – of our day and our lives.
But every day, stuff happens and much of it – whether it is extreme weather, the pandemic, or what someone else says or does—is beyond our control. We must take responsibility for what is happening to our world, have goals and plans and do our part. But after we have done our part, what if we accepted the fact that we have no control over what happens on the outside, but have full control on the inside—and how we choose to interpret what happens.
What if we expected lessons, looked inwards at our automatic reactions, contemplated what there was to learn, and then took action?
There are no mistakes, only lessons.
We don’t like making mistakes on tests, but in school, we don’t expect to get everything right. In life however, we hate being wrong and making mistakes. We beat ourselves up or put others down. We avoid putting ourselves in situations where we are not in full control and where we may not be seen as perfect.
But there are no mistakes, only lessons. Everyone makes mistakes and if you are not making mistakes, you are not challenging yourself and you are not growing. Of course, we should do our homework, be our best and do what is right, but when mistakes happen, it’s not what happens that matters, but what we can learn from that.
What if we expected mistakes, looked inwards, searched for the lesson and progressed from what went wrong?
Lessons are repeated until learned.
How many of us – cram calendars and are always running late? Set exercise goals but procrastinate? Click to buy now when we know that will bust our budget? Get into the same arguments or the same type of destructive relationships? We don’t pay attention and we don’t change and we don’t learn. We keep doing the same thing and expect different results.
But lessons are repeated until learned. What if next time, or even better, before the next time—before you were late or skipped the workout or bust your budget or blamed someone else—you took a few minutes to write down those patterns, looked in from a different angle, listened for the message, and got the lesson?
Learning does not end.
Enough already! Been there and done that. Shouldn’t life get easier, simpler, better? Isn’t life about the pursuit of happiness and happily ever after?
You eat healthy food and take care of your body, but in spite of being careful, you get Covid. Or, after years of marriage, the kids have grown up and your partner decides it is time to divorce. Or, you’ve made it up the corporate ladder and saved for retirement, but a hurricane or fire just destroyed your house. Or you have your dream job and a happy family, but you are bored, something is off and you don’t feel fulfilled.
Learning does not end. Every day is a new day and instead of expecting happily ever after, what if we watched with curiosity and wonder to see what today will bring? What if we looked for the lessons, found the clue, got the aha and advanced our Being – moment by moment, one day at a time?
There is no better than here.
The grass is always greener there. Troubles are always bigger here. We keep comparing how we look, what we have, what we do and who we know—with luminaries making headlines and friends posting their perfect lives on social media.
Whether there is a different house or a different stage in life, there is no better than here. For every person who has more than you, there is a person who has less than you. Even for people who may seem to have more of everything, they too are being presented with lessons.
During these tumultuous times, we are becoming more aware that we are all in this together. We are all facing extreme weather, disrupted lives, economic uncertainty and social unrest. And as we are all being presented with lessons, there are no mistakes, learning does not end and there is no better than here.
Others are only mirrors of you.
Carl Jung said this very clearly: “Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves”. So if someone does something or says something that bothers you, you are being presented with a lesson.
Again, you do not have control about what others say or do – but how you react, how distrubed you feel, how upset you get is up to you. Others create an opportunity to learn, an opportunity to examine how you are feeling and where that feeling is coming from. An opportunity to see their behavior for what it is and to make a choice of how you want to respond to it.
For example, you may feel offended when the checkout cashier at the grocery store is rude and rushed and you may instantly feel distressed that their behavior is because of your gender or age or race. You may be right and the person could truly be discriminating—and you could make a decision to not take it personally. You could reframe their behavior as not being about you, but rather about them – being tired, worried about a sick child, or frustrated by something their boss said. Alternatively, you could make a decision to stand up to injustice.
We cannot stop the lessons, we cannot control others’ actions, but we can watch our feelings, reframe our thoughts and choose how to respond.
What you make of your life is up to you.
Life happens moment by moment in the now. And yet, how much time do we spend dreaming about the future or wishing for days bygone? How much energy do we spend blaming others or being angry that life is not fair?
What if we took responsibility for knowing our values, forming our vision, setting goals and doing our part to make them happen? We don’t have control over what others say or do or what actually happens, but what if we watch what happens, listen for lessons, pick up signals and take responsibility for our choices?
Moment by moment, with every thought, choice and action, what we make of life is up to us.
All the answers lie inside of you.
Our Human Doing comes from our Human Being. All the answers lie inside Being – aware, conscious, listening, looking, watching, learning, choosing.
You will forget all of this at birth.
But today is a new day, every moment is a new step on the path and today is the first day of the rest of your life.
Some moments we will remember, some moments we will forget – Being aware, watching your thoughts, making conscious choices is a practice on the path called Life.
Read Dr.Cherie’s book and check out the MMSNorCal Coaching Collective – a coach can help you tap into the answers that lie inside you and make the most of Life.
A serial entrepreneur,Monica Pal has been co-founder, CEO, and CMO at B2B startups in cyber intelligence, cyber security, cyber fraud and enterprise messaging. Monica is Co-Founder & CEO of Monarch Mavens, a startup consulting firm propeling founding teams of early stage B2B SaaS startups to rev-up revenue, while reducing risk, and raising resilience. She is a frequent speaker on cyber security, big data, entrepreneurship, diversity and leadership. Monica is a CEO coach and her passion for women’s leadership and gender justice have led her to support women leaders and entrepreneurs as they scale their companies.
These days, and in some circles, the notion of working with a professional or executive coach is as ubiquitous as working with a personal fitness trainer or having a therapist. There are a couple of key reasons for this: the pace of changing technology is disrupting jobs and careers faster than ever before and on-the-job training for leaders and aspiring leaders appears to be non-existent. Now, more than ever before, young professionals are finding themselves in management-level jobs—without the experience or skills to manage others—and yet, are required to perform as successful managers and leaders. They need to find ways to ramp up people management and leadership skills rapidly if they are not to lose valuable employees.
For those unfamiliar with the concept of professional or executive coaching, here is a brief article on what coaches do and what to expect from a coach. This article further explains what to expect on the journey of working with a coach and offers things to consider about why you might want to work with one.
What is Professional or Executive Coaching?
First of all, it’s very important to understand that a professional or executive coach is not a therapist, and is very different from a mentor, advisor or a consultant. Briefly summarizing an earlier, detailed post on this topic, titled, Do You Need a Therapist, Mentor, Consultant or Professional Coach?, here is the difference:
A therapist tends to work on the past, as well as family-of-origin issues and emotional disorders.
An advisor or consultant is someone who has an expertise in a particular area and they tell you step-by step how to implement their plan.
A coach supports you in creating a new present and future with specific objectives and outcomes. A coach might address the past with their client simply for reference or understanding, but the focus is on moving towards meeting client-defined objectives.
The Right Time to Work with a Professional or Executive Coach
People often work with a coach when they’ve found themselves at a stuck place in their lives, or when they notice patterns in their career or life that they want to change. Working with a coach is also supportive during big life transitions.
When big change happens in someone’s life and where new skills are required, it is not uncommon for doubt, uncertainty, and even low-level anxiety to enter one’s thoughts. The bigger the changes, the more the potential for getting overwhelmed by the change.
It is true that most of us are creatures of habit. We like familiar, predictable, stable, controllable circumstances and transitions can be unsettling for anyone.
It’s in these situations where working with a coach can be helpful and supportive. A coach has the skill set to help you untangle the spaghetti of conflicting and stressful thoughts in your mind so you can get clear on your wants, needs, and desires are and so that you can, create an action plan for success, and then implement the plan to the results you desire.
Here are some situations where you might consider hiring a coach:
I want to become a director at my company but I can’t seem to get there.
I have a role that requires public speaking and I’m terrified of public speaking.
I just took on a management level role and I have the sense that I don’t deserve it. This very well could be a case of imposter syndrome. You are not alone in feeling this; a 2020 KPMG study of 750 women executives in the U.S. found that a shocking 75% of them had experienced imposter syndrome at some point in their career. And, very interestingly, the same study found that over 70% of the “executive women looked to the advice of a mentor or trusted advisor when doubting their abilities to take on new roles.”
I want to make a career change and I don’t feel comfortable articulating why I’d be good in this new role.
Oftentimes, a company will hire a professional or executive coach to work with one of their leaders to help them develop in areas where they have blind spots.
For example:
She’s a great leader but tends to manage up and doesn’t build feelings of good will with her peers.
He’s moving into a strategic role and can’t seem to let go of the day-to-day, tactical work.
She is brilliant in her role but always needs to be right. It’s causing discord with her direct reports.
A coach essentially helps their clients determine their vision, strategy, action plan, and then supports them in realizing their objectives.
Look for Action-Oriented Support from Your Coach
Oftentimes, professional or excecutive coaches will require clients to do homework. This homework could include: journal writing, taking a class or reading specific material that will be supportive in the client’s growth and development.
It is very important to know that a coach doesn’t tell their clients what to do. They guide their clients towards their own wisdom and encourage the client to investigate their own thoughts and creative solutions.
Here is a great example of action-oriented coaching by Charles Vivier, one of the MMS NorCal coaches. (This excerpt is taken from a testimonial provided by an executive coached by Charles Vivier):
In each session we’d decide at the beginning what I wanted to accomplish and then we’d do it. There was a level of accountability and immediate action that I’d never had in any other setting. “OK, you want to do XYZ. How does it feel right now? Do you want to practice saying what you need to say? If you are ready, should you schedule the meeting or make a call right now? When will you be able to do what’s next? Do you want to set a date in your calendar when you will do it or have it done.” Most of the time I’d just do the thing immediately.
Set Objectives with Your Coach
Unlike therapy, most people work with a coach for a specific period of time. Objectives for coaching are usually set at the beginning of a coaching engagement and once those objectives are met, the coaching relationship is complete. It’s important to note that development happens in biological time and change doesn’t happen overnight.
While each coach and how they manage their coaching engagements are different, I tend to work with my clients for a period of six months to a year.
Professional and Executive Coaching Modalities
Some coaches are hired because of their professional background and expertise. In these cases, along with asking open-ended questions, they bring some modalities that might be of support to their clients.
As an example, a coach may be an experienced yoga teacher and practitioner and can help you design a grounding routine as a part of your coaching. This can help you reduce your stress and frustration levels, be present, silence your mind, and relax you so you can have a more impactful coaching session. A coach with a mindfulness practice can take you through a visioning process to help identify goals.
Coaches who have been athletes and continue a practice of vigorous exercise can help you connect your mind and body through high-intensity or low-intensity moves. Using both mind and body, you can tap into feelings, into stress, release tension, uncover what’s holding you back in a completely different way.
Sometimes, we may believe there is no problem, and doing yoga or other body techniques (for example, breathwork or qigong) can open the mind to a different reality. Some coaches even use horses to help clients face their fears and process emotions.
The key to hiring your own coach is to trust your intuition when hiring someone. Read about their backgrounds and see if their life and professional experience resonates with you. Most coaches will offer a Chemistry Session for no-charge so the two of you can get to know one another and decide if it’s a fit.
Check out the MMS NorCal Coaching Collective which offers a variety of trained, professional, executive, relationship, and life coaches with many modalities, skills, and passions. You may find the right coach for you in the collective!
Carla Morton is an ICF credentialed Leadership Coach, Executive Director of MMS Northern California, and a Co-Founder of the MMS NorCal Coaching Collective. Carla coaches business leaders and professionals through critical changes in their professional and personal lives so they can thrive as fully integrated, take-charge rockstars. Her clients come from companies, such as, Marqueta, IBM, Bank of the West, Meals-on-Wheels, McGuire Real Estate, Autodesk and Open DNS/Cisco. Carla also coaches women entrepreneurs for the Bay Area non-profit leadership organization, How Women Lead.
In all cultures, literature and language is full of phrases that describe the link between the body and our emotion, basically how to listen when your body talks. For example, we talk about feeling butterflies in our stomach before stepping out on stage, feeling a pit in our stomach on hearing bad news, feel our faces turning red with embarrassment, hear our hearts pounding with excitement, or feel intense heaviness in our chests when our hearts break. We describe feeling a shiver going down our spine, getting cold feet, choking with resentment, having gut reactions, shouldering responsibilities, jaws clenching in anger, and more.
It’s not uncommon for my clients to complain about body aches and pains in their sessions with me; a tight throat or jaw when they are around certain people; occasional chest pains when they think of something stressful; a pit in their stomach when they are speaking in public. My clients are aware of what their pain could be related to, but they can’t seem to relieve the discomfort, despite this understanding.
It’s clear that our bodies are screaming for attention but how do we listen to the messages our bodies are sending to us? More importantly, how can we calm our bodies down?
There’s actually a self-help skill you can learn and practice that can help you tremendously: the power of listening to what your body is saying.
Professor Eugence Gandlin and the Power of Focusing
Here’s the background: In the early 1960s, Professor Eugene Gendlin did research on successful outcomes from therapy. A key finding was those who could sense into their bodies and get out of their heads, experienced relief from their problems. And in contrast, just analyzing, complaining, or explaining away problems wasn’t proven to be nearly as helpful as listening to the body.
Gendlin developed a tool which he called Focusing. The concept is that you talk to your body as if it’s another human being who has thoughts and feelings that it wants to express.
During the course of building this tool and his research, he discovered that it works as a self-help skill, even outside of therapy; or, of course with coaching.
Once you learn how to listen to your body, you can use it at any time, in a variety of situations.
Getting Started on Learning How to Listen to Your Body
Here is the first exercise to start on this journey to listen to your body.
Set aside 10-15 minutes to practice, several times a week.
Find a comfortable, quiet place, away from distractions or interruptions.
Have a piece of paper ready to jot down your thoughts, emotions, and feelings that come up.
Sit quietly, with eyes open or closed and ask yourself: Which way today? (Something will come up. Trust that the first thing that comes up actually wants your attention.)
Sense into your body.
Sit quietly, with eyes open or closed and ask yourself: Which way today? Something will come up. Trust that the first thing that comes up actually wants your attention.
See where your attention goes. Does it go to your chest? Do you notice that your breath is shallow or held? Does it go to your stomach? Just notice and make note of it. For example, your body might say, My shoulders are tense and hunched up to my ears!
Ask yourself:
What in my body wants my awareness now? I’m saying hello to what’s here. How am I about that issue?
Describe the feeling:
Ask yourself, I’m trying to find a way to describe what’s here. Is it Jittery? Tight? Hot? Empty? Is there a color? What shade of color? What’s the texture? Once you dive deep into the feeling, you might feel that the sensation gets stronger or dissipates.
Take notes on how you are feeling. For example, you could write that your shoulders feel hot, and the texture is like steel wool, it’s a dark grey blob that spreads across your back from one shoulder to another.
Stop the session; You can go deeper next time.
Before you end, say to yourself – I’m checking back in with my body. Is it okay to stop today?
Trust that your body will give you the right messages if you are patient and listen carefully.
Deeper Listening to Your Body
To go deeper at your next session: repeat the steps in the above exercise and ask yourself the following questions.
Ask yourself:
Is it okay to just be with this right now? I’m sitting with it, with interested curiosity. I’m sensing how it feels from its point of view. I’m asking if it has an emotional quality. For example: My shoulders are angry. I’m asking: What gets it so tight, hot, anxious… For example: I get so angry when I have a lot of responsibility. It feels like I’m holding up the world….Like Atlas. It’s too much to handle!
I’m asking my body to show me how ‘all OK’ would feel. For example: All okay would feel good. Maybe I shouldn’t take on too much. Now, take a breath and release the pressure. Relax the shoulders. You aren’t holding up the world. Take one thing at a time. Be compassionate and patient with yourself. It’s all okay now.
Thank your Body:
I’m asking my body if it is OK to stop soon. I’m saying: I’ll be back. I’m thanking my body and the part that has been with me.
By Focusing, when you pay attention to your body, the body feels heard. When you listen deeply to it’s messages, acknowledge the feelings and explore how all OK feels, you allow those emotions to release and there is a sense of completion.
This sense of relief, relaxation and satisfaction – this special experience, this feeling of well-being – is called the Felt Shift. During this time, everything in your mind/body, your whole being, is shifting, rearranging itself to accommodate the new understanding you have received.
I’ve used this process with my clients and with a little practice, I’ve witnessed their entire worlds crack open, once they get to know themselves this way. Long forgotten memories come into focus, they experience a heightened sense of awareness and most importantly, they are able to dissolve the angst and anxiety that they’ve been carrying around for years.
Working with a Professional or Life Coach
As you practice listening to your body, you may also consider working with a professional or life coach.
Today, coaches use different modalities in working with their clients. You could work with a coach who uses breathing techniques or a coach who helps you build a vigorous exercise routine to connect mind and body. You could work with a coach who uses horses or one who uses visualization.
Depending on your preferences, you could work with a coach to build a custom coaching program for yourself that could help you tap into your feelings and uncover what’s holding you back in a completely different way.
Do check out the MMS NorCal Coaching Collective which brings together professional and executive coaches with many modalities, skills, and passions.
Carla Morton is an ICF credentialed Leadership Coach, Executive Director of MMS Northern California, and a Co-Founder of the MMS NorCal Coaching Collective. Carla coaches business leaders and professionals through critical changes in their professional and personal lives so they can thrive as fully integrated, take-charge rockstars. Her clients come from companies, such as, Marqueta, IBM, Bank of the West, Meals-on-Wheels, McGuire Real Estate, Autodesk and Open DNS/Cisco. Carla also coaches women entrepreneurs for the Bay Area non-profit leadership organization, How Women Lead.
WIth the increasing complexity and pace of life, work, and relationships in the modern age, people—executives, professionals, academics, business owners, managers and moms—have become increasingly aware of their need for support and help. Of course, knowing one needs help does not always equal to knowing how one can be best supported or helped. Does one need a therapist, a coach or a mentor? Or, a consultant? It is all very confusing. And, of course, there are informal options such as talking to your manager, a trusted family member, friends or a colleague.
This blog post covers:
An overview of the formal types of support that are available–therapists, mentors, consultants and coaches
Sheds light on when you may need a particular type of support
The premise behind Coaching and what to expect from a Coach
The key to getting the right help is understanding what you need, and what type of help you can expect from the expert.
The overview is followed by a deep dive into coaching, expectations, types of coaching, and what to expect from a professional coaching relationship.
Overview of Consultants, Mentors, Therapists, and Coaches
A consultant provides professional or expert advice or services that you may need at work (tax advice or business expansion strategy) or for your home (establishing a new garden or college options for your high school senior). Consultants are experts in their fields and have a clear definition of the services and expertise they can provide.
A mentorhas experience working in your field, is senior to you, and provides trustworthy advice on your career or job. Many of these relationships are at work where a more senior leader will share personal experiences on how he / she navigated a business problem, shed light on career paths, and connect the mentee to others who could be of further assistance. These can be authentic and meaningful relationships where role modeling by the mentor can be an important source of inspiration for the mentee.
A therapist is used when one needs a trained mental health professional to heal from mental or emotional problems, past or present trauma, anger, or illnesses that do not require medication or surgery.
A professional coach helps an individual to unlock their own potential to improve performance, maximize potential, gain clarity, and achieve goals. For example, a tennis coach can help improve one’s game, a math coach can help coach a brilliant math student for a competition, a relationship coach can help improve relationships with one’s children, spouse, or parents and a business coach can help you advance your career and enhance your leadership skills.
It is important to keep in mind that professional coaching is not about dealing with trauma. It is not psychotherapy. It is not expert advice from a lawyer, doctor, or accountant.
One way to think about it: Your life is good but you want it to be great, then you are ready for a Coach.
The Premise Behind Professional Coaching
The coaching assumption is that the client knows their own answer and simply needs support to discover it. They will ask the right questions so you can discover or uncover or realize the answer that is right for you. They will talk you through your fears and help you examine your fears. A coach will help you reframe the stories you tell yourself so that they no longer stop you or hold you back from your goals.
The best coaches are open, curious, and make you think about possibilities. Once you know, you can’t unknow. When you figure out the answer, it is not possible to go back.
A coach will help you reflect on why you may have reacted a certain way and explore a new way of looking at problems and instead of reacting, make a conscious decision on how you choose to respond to them.
In summary, the right coach will …
Empower you to identify and confirm objectives and clarify outcomes
Enable you to examine assumptions, explore options, discover pathways and determine next steps
Enhance your awareness of choices and confidence in your decisions
Register accomplishments, record next steps, support steady progress
Be Present to help you find your answers, Not to Know. Not to be the Expert. Not to be the Therapist.
Is it important for a professional coach to be an expert in your field or have experienced what you are going through? The best coaches know nothing about your field of expertise and may not have experienced what you are dealing with, but they are trained in asking you open-ended questions so you get clarity about your problems, can consider your options and in the process, they help you find your answers.
Executive Coaching
Even the most accomplished leaders and executives look for a coach because many times in the workplace, as a leader, there are very few people with whom you can openly or honestly share your challenges or concerns without being judged or without causing a loss of confidence in your ability to deliver. And, it may also be difficult to know who to trust in challenging work environments.
A coach can serve as a person you can trust, is someone who has your back, is on your side, and will give you honest feedback. You can confide in your coach and through the process, make your own decisions on how to proceed. This is invaluable.
A coach can also help you become a better leader by helping you gain clarity on your values and your vision. They can help you create a plan on how you will achieve your goals and keep you accountable. With clarity, comes confidence and the ability to inspire others and lead them on the journey together to accomplishing the mission.
A coach can help you understand how you can fix a dysfunctional leadership team by encouraging you to think through the team dynamics, explore ideas for shifting the dynamics, improve your relationships with individuals on the team, and help them improve their own relationships so that they can move forward together.
For aspiring leaders, a coach can help you get that promotion, surpass your goals, manage office dynamics, and create a work-life balance.
Coaching for Women, Coaching for People of Color & Coaching for Minority Professionals
Being a leader is hard enough – you may be under intense scrutiny from your teams, your bosses and others – but as a woman, person of color or minority, intersectionality (the mix of gender, race, color, class, immigration status, accent and more) creates additional pressures. You may be held to a different standard, judged more harshly, not given the benefit of doubt – you are an anomaly. People may be looking for reasons as to how you got to where you got. A coach can help you navigate unconscious bias, and make progress in spite of what may be a challenging environment.
A Coach (not a Therapist) for Personal Relationships
Working with a coach to improve or change personal relationships is all about taking action now, it is about improving your relationships for the future. These types of situations are best suited to working with a coach. Keep in mind that the coach, unlike a therapist, will not be about healing relationships, understanding what went wrong in the past, or letting go of the past.
Getting Unstuck with a Professional Coach
Feeling stuck is about not feeling right with your work, your day, or personal life. You don’t feel not excited about the day or going to work but you don’t know what the right thing is. Coaches help you get unstuck by helping clarify what’s important, what makes you happy, what you enjoy doing. And, what’s stopping you from getting there and what’s stopping you from charting a path to your goal.
Coaching Modalities and Beyond Silos
Coaching is moving beyond asking discerning questions. Many coaches use different modalities in working with their clients.
For example, health and well being need more than conversations. A coach may be an experienced yoga teacher and practitioner and can help you design a grounding routine as a part of your coaching. This can help you reduce your stress and frustration levels, be present, silence your mind, and relax you so you can have a more impactful coaching session. A coach with a mindfulness practice can take you through a visioning process to help identify goals.
Coaches who have been athletes and continue a practice of vigorous exercise can help you connect your mind and body through high-intensity or low-intensity moves. Using both mind and body, you can tap into feelings, into stress, release tension, uncover what’s holding you back in a completely different way.
Sometimes, we may believe there is no problem, and doing yoga or other body techniques (for example, breathwork or qigong) can open the mind to a different reality. Some coaches even use horses to help clients face their fears and process emotions.
What would you like a professional coach to help you with?
Be less… stressed, frustrated.. More… balanced?
Have more… time, money, job?
Feel… loved, happy, confident, healthy?
The MMS NorCal Coaching Collective brings together professional coaches with many modalities, skills, and passions. You may find your coach in our collective.
Here are three articles on this blog that can also help you further understand the value and benefits of a coaching program:
Lindsey Taylor-Vivier is an ICF-credentialed Life Coach, Executive Director of MMS Northern California, a Coach Trainer, and Co-Founder of the MMS NorCal Coaching Collective. Lindsey coaches individuals, couples, and groups in transition or when they are feeling stuck or unsure of direction. She also coaches entrepreneurs at the Bay Area non-profit leadership organization, How Women Lead.
The demand for coaching has been increasing rapidly not just in the United States but all over the world. As per an article, Three Trends that will Shape the Future of Coaching,” published by the International Coach Federation (ICF), the “estimated market size of the coaching industry in the U.S. was $15 billion USD” in 2019 with an average growth rate of 6.7% per year. One of the key changes that are resulting from this demand is the need to have trained and credentialed coaches to assure quality assurance.
Are You a Professional Coach Without Credentials?
Keep in mind that people can call themselves a coach but without training and credentials, they are not actually coaching; they are acting as a mentor or advisor or consultant.
Learning the coaching method is a journey in personal development. As you learn the method, you will be bringing your own topics and objectives to the training to work through. Learning the coaching method brings you closer to yourself and closer to others.
Professional Coach Training
The MMS Northern California, the Approved Coach Specific Training Hours (ACSTH) Coach Training is a three-month transformational certification program for people who are looking for the quickest and most transformational way to become a certified professional coach.
This program trains you to get an ICF Accreditation with an ACSTH. The 60 hours of coach training includes two, three-day weekends and six, two-hour webinar sessions. The purpose of the MMS Coach Training is to support you to:
Become an MMS /ICF certified coach;
Grow exponentially in awareness and interpersonal skills;
Learn coaching skills to apply to your career,
Commit to living life as a coach.
This 60-hour ICF Credentialed ACSTH coach training is delivered by ICF-credentialed/MMS trained coaches who have been trained by Dr Cherie Carter-Scott. This training will prepare you to get accredited by ICF. You will see live demonstrations of coaching daily and will practice your skills with peers as well as receive immediate feedback from coaches leading the training. As required by the ICF, five feedback sessions are included.
The training is held in Marin County in Northern California, just 30 minutes north of San Francisco.
Carla Morton is an ICF credentialed Leadership Coach, Executive Director of MMS Northern California, and a Co-Founder of the MMS NorCal Coaching Collective. Carla coaches business leaders and professionals through critical changes in their professional and personal lives so they can thrive as fully integrated, take-charge rockstars. Her clients come from companies, such as, Marqueta, IBM, Bank of the West, Meals-on-Wheels, McGuire Real Estate, Autodesk and Open DNS/Cisco. Carla also coaches women entrepreneurs for the Bay Area non-profit leadership organization, How Women Lead.
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