In the last few years, so many of us feel that we have been unable to surf the chaos in life and the world.
We have lost so much — our dreams, our plans and loved ones — and as 2022 gets into gear, the waves of chaos have not stopped. Some of us have lost jobs and work for most of us has changed considerably.
With rampant misinformation, social unrest, tension within families and mid-term elections this year, it feels like there is no end in sight. Therefore, we asked the MMSNorCal Collective coaches to share tips and practices they use to surf chaos in their lives and the world in this three-part series of articles.
Dealing with Loss and Fear
Some of us have had to deal with days and days all alone and most of us have missed celebrations and we have missed being with loved ones. Some of us have fallen out with, and lost relationships with family and friends as different people reacted with fear and had different risk tolerances to COVID.
During this time, our community of coaches dealt with fearful family members who refused to meet with other family members, faced travel restrictions that kept fathers from seeing their sons for over two years, and at the height of pandemic, daughters risked travel to be at the side of their dying mother.
Just as we were getting ready to put COVID-19 behind us, here we go again with the Russian invasion of Ukraine, spiking gas prices, tornadoes, snow storms, travel delays, power outages, stock market swings, political turmoil, the list goes on and on.
“When I think of acceptance,” says Coach Brandi Richard Thompson, “I think of the ability to embrace the totality of your experience, good and bad. During the past couple of years, I have seen clients and colleagues experience distress in ways they haven’t before.”
Coach Brandi adds, “As someone who has experienced trauma, the pandemic was similar to so many other times that I felt helpless, alone, and unsure of what to do next. The distress of those traumatic situations in my life made me want to push the experience away, hide from it or stuff it.”
Embrace Negative and Positive Emotions
Coach Brandi says that she has learned that it was far better to embrace her negative and positive emotions and this shift in thinking helped her to process them more fully.
Accepting her circumstances allowed her to express her emotions, and feel all the feels associated with the pain of the trauma as well as the pleasure of the new things she learned through the experience and even the blessings that materialized.
Acceptance of the bad actually made room for Coach Brandi to experience the good that was happening at the same time. And whether you see it right now or not, there is always good right there with the bad.
Accept all that comes to you as an opportunity to grow and learn more about yourself.
Coach Brandi Richard Thompson
“Life is unpredictable,” adds Coach Michelle Hayden-Marsan. “I find that resisting the undesired things that come into my life brings me my greatest challenge: anxiety, aggravation and disequilibrium. Accepting what comes my way, regardless of whether I like it or not presents an opportunity to let go of things that are out of my control. Being able to do that brings me peace and unexpected opportunities.”
Coach Charles says: “I have had to learn to focus on how fortunate I am that my daily life except for traveling wasn’t changing so much. I had to dig deeper, identifying my feelings, discovering their significance, defining what was important and reframing my purpose. Acknowledging and celebrating my progress and anything and everything contributing to my wellness. Learning what surrender really means has been one of my biggest lessons.”
Coach Michelle Mueller Ihrig notes that there is a saying – the only certainty that exists in life is change. And, she adds, “When we can fully step into the flow of life, and accept that it is constantly moving and changing, we live with more ease and less resistance. Becoming comfortable in the uncomfortableness of uncertainty, creates space and opportunity for flexibility, growth and renewal.”
“When life feels unclear, uncertain or stuck, take the opportunity to focus on the present moment and raise your awareness. Awareness then acts as a lighthouse, shining on the path forward, allowing our lives to unfold as we respond to the present moment. Allowing ourselves to be fully in the present is a calming and grounding acceptance.”
Coach Michelle Mueller Ihrig
Step 2. Nurture Your Body and Cultivate Routines
Coach Muriel Murphy focuses on exercising regularly, eating healthy and nutritious foods, listening to music, meditating, stretching and attending to her body’s needs daily.
She also values connecting with loved ones and strangers with a smile on her face and listening to them with her heart centered attention, which can be difficult for many of us when we are agitated and upset with the world around us.
According to Coach Muriel, “slowing down and not rushing from one thing to the next, allows me the space to sense and feel my groundedness and be present with each task I am attempting to complete.”
Dancing is another way for her to release any negative stressors that may be holding in her body.
And, lastly Coach Muriel suggests dancing like nobody’s watching!
Consider a Challenge
“I have been struggling to find a way to have my outside match my inside, meaning having my outside body match my inside spirit,” says Coach Lindsey Taylor-Vivier. “My inside is clear, joyful, calm, purpose driven, grateful and healthy but on the outside I have been injured, overweight, tired and often sick. This year I decided to really give it a go and give my body a reset and put a stake in the ground and make a pledge I will not just talk about it, or wish that things were different, I would actually MAKE things different. SO, I took on the 75 Hard Challenge. No alcohol, drink a gallon of water, go on a diet program, and workout twice a day for 45 mins for 75 days…oh, and no cheating or you have to start over.”
Coach Lindsey, like many of us, had preconceived ideas about what my body could or could not do, so she took the Challenge to push back on her old belief system. She is amazed at how strong she is, how her body is showing her that it can rise to the occasion, even after all of her past injuries.
She finds that giving herself the space and time to put her health on the top of her to-do list has been empowering and provides some measure to be able to surf chaos in life and the world.
Show Yourself Love and Grace
Coach Brandi says “I nurture myself by showing myself the same love and grace that I show to those I love the most. I stop working when I am tired, set boundaries that support my health, and give up the need to control everything.”
“I have a sense of control when I take time to be in tune with myself”, says Coach Michelle. “When we take time to listen to what our mind/body connection is telling us in the form of emotional and physical feelings, we can take time to respond. If I am feeling down or my body has some aches or pains, I ask myself, what is this? What is this trying to tell me? What do I want to do now? And perhaps my response is simply taking a moment to pause, catch my breath, or make a cup of tea.”
Coach Michelle finds that sometimes simply acknowledging the feelings can make her feel better.
The only thing we have control of is ourselves and our chosen response which is key to be able to surf chaos in life and the world with grace and control.
Consider Reviving a Hobby or a Passion
Some suggestions offered by Coach Sarah E. Spencer include engaging in a hobby you love. She says, “I have always loved crafts from childhood, and I seek yin energy almost every day. Currently this includes hand applique quilting, easily done while watching favorite TV shows, as well as planning future quilt projects.” (If you are looking to build a creative practice, check out this excellent read on our blog: Intrinsic Benefits of a Creative Practice.)
Coach Sarah also suggests building a routine that can help ground you, for example:
A daily morning routine that could include a short meditation session, perhaps lighting a candle, drinking a hot beverage. She likes to read a printed newspaper; you could read a printed book or journal for a few mins before planning your day.
A walk at lunch time, even for 10 – 15 mins around the block can center you.
An afternoon break for tea and a pause away from work could refresh you.
Charles is a Relationship Coach who works with people seeking truth and authenticity in who they are and what they do. He is a former entrepreneur, an ex-competitive athlete, and a part of a bi-cultural French American family. Charles coachs in French and English. An Associate Certified Coach, he is also an ICF Mentor Coach, a Facilitator at MMS NorCal and the MMS Worldwide Institute. Founding Circle, MMS NorCal Coaching Collective.
Consistent good leadership is an essential skill, one more important than ever in all workplaces – private, not-for-profit or government. Although this article focuses on nonprofit leadership, many of these questions apply to anyone already a leader, or aspiring to be one. The last two years with the global pandemic and social, political and economic turmoil, have tested our professional acumen, stress levels and maybe even our health. If you need to be inspired in your leadership in these difficutl times, do read this article: Leadesrhip Lessons from Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.
In the nonprofit sector, the upheaval in employment and hence personal finances has impacted philanthropy. Volunteers may not have been available due to lockdowns, safety protocols or time available. Educators have somehow managed to move to online learning and empty campuses. Even your devoted employees energized by your organization’s mission may have unexpectedly left for remote work or more money, and it’s hard to recruit talented replacements.
This is a lot, even for the most experienced nonprofit leaders and professional colleagues. Take time to pause, grab a cup of tea or a glass of wine, and ask yourself the following eight questions to help reset your organization for success – and why not invite your leadership and diversity of professional colleagues to join in too?
Are We Still Connecting with Passion and Purpose
Nonprofit organizations are founded with a clear purpose – be it providing learning, improving the human condition or benefiting the local community. Talented professionals who look to these workplaces for employment are usually motivated by deep passion in their work, and donors and volunteers are moved to invest because of the mission’s purpose.
Consider: Is my organization still serving its purpose, and if yes, to what degree and for whom? Do I and my colleagues still have the passion to navigate our current challenges? Can we benchmark that passion on a scale from one to ten, and is there agreement? If there are questions or doubts, how can we rekindle the fires?
Take a deep breath. These are hard questions for any leader and organization.
Do you have the resources – from your board, leadership team, mentor or coach – to provide the necessary support to look for and respond effectively to the answers?
Does Everyone Know Where We are Going
Great nonprofit leaders also know that all organizations – alongside their board of directors or executive committee – should periodically review its vision and mission. Have you recently revised, adjusted or created a new strategic and implementation plan given the disruptions of the last two years and the dynamics of the environment we find ourselves in?
Nonprofit organizations also have many invested stakeholders (remember that purpose and passion above) so it’s critical these diverse constituents know where you and the organization are headed. Are you staying the course or taking a detour or a new direction, maybe to get to the same place or a new destination because of the circumstances that require it?
Do you have the required creative and conceptual skills to keep all the stakeholders going in the same direction, and if you see gaps, are you able to address them?
Several of my clients seek to hone their elevator pitches, telling a new story with the most impact. They know there are limited attention spans, especially over a screen. They also know that successful leaders need to garner support by sharing their vision and the organization’s journey, with passion, clarity and confidence.
Are We Still Connecting Vision and Mission to the Investment
Nonprofit leaders know they must provide a social return on investment as opposed to a financial return sought in the private business world. As the Third Sector Company points out, the nonprofit leader has to not only create a positive financial bottom line but must also work equally hard to show a measurable social bottom line or social profit, resulting from the work. This is often more complex with variables that come from working with a community, instead of a building or factory.
So, do we still have tangible evidence of the impact from our mission? How are we demonstrating that impact to our diverse stakeholders? Have we adapted our communication to tell a powerful and compelling story?
Are We Investing in Staff and their Learning & Development
Financial realities impacted many line items, from headcount to travel expenses. Professional development monies are also easier to reduce, and in many cases, have remained depleted as organizations balance smaller budgets.
With financial mitigation also comes disruption of traditional learning and development. Depending on the sector, in-person conferences, on-site training workshops and staff retreats have been non-existent, moved on-line or not funded. Add to acute screen fatigue and many staff may show little interest in learning new things.
Depending on resources available, what are the skill gaps to take your organization forward (for example, instructional design to deliver virtually learning)?
What are critical skills and networks that your organization will require to move forward? With turnover, lots of new supervisors and managers will need investment to be successful. Are you able to adequately ensure diversity, equity and inclusion? Is your staff burned out, hence lacking motivation, and feeling less connected to their purpose for work? What energizes them? If they are burned out, is it okay for a pause? Does the team require professional coaching?
Can the Organization Align with the New Workplace
Even with compelling passion, purpose and mission, an organization and a great nonprofit leader cannot counter national trends, and the workplace and compensation are two drivers that have left many nonprofit professionals ready for a retreat, or a coach.
Obviously, where employees do their work is the conversation of the year. Some nonprofits are able to offer remote or hybrid work, and may encourage it as a tradeoff to reducing or exiting out of physical office space. Others are unable and unwilling to leave the traditional workplace, especially those in education (teachers!), higher education campuses and those who work directly with the local community.
More likely, you may have a workforce that is gathered in centralized places, and now employees each have a different opinion – hate work from home, need to get away, don’t feel safe in the ‘office’ and others who love hybrid… What is a leader to do?
Keeping up with compensation expectations is also a big challenge for any nonprofit leadership team and board. Recruiting qualified staff with the old adage, “I don’t do it for the money, I love my job” may be gone. The reality of small margin budgets make things an ever bigger challenge.
Have I Prioritized Mindfulness
Leading mission-driven organizations and assuring mission realization is some of the most critical work on the planet. We support people when the government can’t and business won’t. Our day-to-day work is life-giving.
Dr. Theresa Ricke-Kiely, author of the forthcoming book, Mindful Nonprofit Leadership, advises that “in today’s nonprofit organizations, being mindful is becoming an essential skill. It is a paradox- if you cannot manage yourself, how can you effectively lead others?”
Ricke-Kiely explains that mindful leadership is about being proactive and responding- not reacting to the outer (or inner) world voices. Leaders are attentive and act with intention. They observe (not judge) and listen deeply without getting distracted by the noise.
Since Brené Brown’s best-selling books, The Power of Vulnerability, Daring Greatly and Dare to Lead, vulnerability has become part of the leadership toolkit. Brown’s extensive research shows that being vulnerable is being authentic, and as a leader, involves a change in mindset that enables you to see through the eyes of the people you lead. By doing so, you invite them to become the drivers of the conversation. The result is that people become more involved and invested.
Have you paused to assess how you show vulnerability as a leader? Take the opportunity to explore how to learn its value, recognize your own vulnerability, practice and use it as a new or reclaimed superpower.
Have I Assessed my own Power Skills
Speaking of superpowers, have you evaluated your own power skills, formerly known as soft skills? Which are your strongest? Can you identify and articulate to strengthen your gaps?
A recent McKinsey Global Survey found that most respondents say that skill building (more than hiring, contracting, or redeploying employees) is the best way to close performance gaps and that respondents have doubled down on their efforts to reskill or upskill employees since the pandemic began. The survey results also point to a shift in the most important skills to develop, which tend to be social and emotional in nature: for example, empathy, leadership, and adaptability.
Work through your power skills, celebrate your strengths and get vulnerable and authentic about your gaps in leadership. Invite your board, leadership team, and staff to participate in reflecting on their power skills.
One last suggestion: consider getting a Professonal or Executive Coach. You can check out our MMSNorCal Coaching Collective – we can facilitate these conversations and our coaches can work with you to clarify your goals, map your path, hone your skills and provide steady support to ensure your success!
Here are three articles on this blog that can also help you further understand the value and benefits of a coaching program:
Sarah is a consultant to the higher and global education sector and the Founder & Managing Director at OnPoint Global Strategies & Coaching. She is also a Professional Coach at the MMS NorCal Institute of Northern California and works with non-profit leaders, professionals and teams who find themselves at crossroads or want to improve their leadership acumen.
As a young person leading a national civil rights organization, I often quoted Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. in speeches and writings. His leadership lessons and words resonated with my generation of young adults hoping to identify our place in the continued struggle for civil rights in America.
Here is one of my favorite quotes by Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. on leadership.
“We are now faced with the fact that tomorrow is today. We are confronted with the fierce urgency of now. In this unfolding conundrum of life and history, there “is” such a thing as being too late. This is no time for apathy or complacency.”
I wrestled with the fierce urgency of now and how even after the sacrifices of so many during the civil rights movement and beyond, we still had so far to go.
Our desire for change was too late to allow Dr. King to reach his 40th birthday, too late for Medgar Evers to return home to Myrlie, too late to ensure equitable access to educational opportunities and home mortgages and too late for Trayvon Martin to make it home to his mother.
At the time, I was quickly approaching 39 years of age myself. I was able to reflect on what it meant to be perceived as an agitator and a general irritant to those who did not want to listen to my suggestions to create more equitable systems. Like Dr. King, I was diplomatic. But, in light of all my community had lost, I was not silent.
My urgency asserted itself 45 years after Dr. King’s murder. Many around me considered it part of the microwave nature of my generation. I often heard, “They just can’t wait their turn to lead, they want what they want now and don’t know how to get it.”
Instead, it was a desire to model the leadership I knew young people throughout history displayed. The Founding Fathers were my age during the Revolutionary War. It was a desire to turn my energy into progress so that my daughter’s generation could take on a new challenge. I firmly decided that there would be no apathy or complacency on my watch.
My personal urgency stemmed from the realization that I could not wait to break free from being a struggling single parent and any biased obstacle to being able to support my daughter needed to be removed.
Our collective urgency stemmed from the understanding that we could die violently on our feet or slowly in our silence. Dr. King taught us, “Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter.” Speaking up for ourselves displayed mastery of one of the basic tenets of leadership, being able to lead yourself.
Leaders Speak Up During Difficult Times
Speaking up for yourself even when it is scary or difficult is one of the enduring leadership lessons of Dr. King.
In our newfound annual love fest for Dr. King, we often forget his message was not well-received or accepted in America during his life. Each day, he and so many others faced jail, harassment and death for their work. Facing death for what you believe or listening to the still small voice telling you to pursue your dream, requires the courage of your convictions.
Speaking up for you leads to the strength and courage to answer what Dr. King presented as “life’s most persistent and urgent question, What are you doing for others?”
As professional and excecutive coaches, we know that we can’t lead you in your self-development or growth without first leading ourselves in that process. We must be willing to excavate our deepest desires, needs and wants to help you to do the same. We must lead ourselves in order to help you lead yourselves.
We must pursue and develop deep love for ourselves to bring that expression of love to our clients.
And so, Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. exhibits through his life’s example how to serve others by getting congruent with ourselves about what we were placed here to do and actually do it.
Dr. King, his wife Coretta Scott King, and countless others executed that mission to improve the lives of all by living their purpose.
Leading with Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.’s Principles
This MLK day, we honor his legacy of exceptional American leadership by living some of what he taught whether we lead ourselves or many:
Live in and with the urgency of now, not allowing complacency or apathy to rob us of living the lives we want to live.
Find strength within to allow ourselves to walk in the strength of our convictions.
Extend your strength in service to others as an example and expression of the deep love we have for ourselves.
Brandi Richard Thompson is a transformational growth strategist, award winning leader, wellness expert and life coach committed to changing the trajectory of the world one person at a time. She specializes in coaching black women, women of color, and those who lead them. As founder of the Operation Growth Institute, a global transformational learning center, Brandi helps people accept, heal, grow, and transform into the next iteration of their personal and professional best. Brandi is known as the Operation Growth Coach.
In the last blog post from the MMSNorCal Coaching Collective, on 21st December 2021, the longest night of the year and the beginning of winter, we shared practices on how to Reset, Reflect and Rejuvenate for 2022. In this post, on New Years Eve, we will share our thoughts on a buidling a Gratitude Practice – one of the most powerful practices to reflect, acknowledge, mark endings and beginnings – and a wonderful way to start a New Year.
Importance of Gratitude
In fact, research now shows that practicing gratitude – intentionally taking time to count your blessings, making note of the good things that are happening in our lives and in the world, acknowledging micro accomplishments that happen every day and looking for opportunities for mini celebrations – increases feelings of happiness and well-being and reduces negative thoughts that can spiral into anxiety and depression.
In the words of Coach Michelle Ihrig, “Gratitude has proven to help us calm our minds and create focus. The practice releases balancing hormones from our pituitary gland which in turn gives us a sense of peace and creativity. It enhances problem solving and resolve.”
As the saying goes, what we focus on grows.
She continues: “It is a great practice to start by looking back at all the things that went right last year, including all the small things that we may overlook, items we accomplished, new learnings, being kind to ourselves, friendships we made, opportunities we took, goals we achieved. Then look at the things that did not turn out as we hoped or are challenging; ask yourself – what has this experience taught me? What lessons have I learned? How has this shaped a better version of me or made other opportunities available? How has this experience made me wiser, stronger? When we look at any mistakes or regrets as lessons learned to apply to the next phases in our lives, this contributes to growth. And with growth, we are constantly evolving.”
Tips on Building a Gratitude Practice
Michelle likes to end each day with at least 5 things she is grateful for.
On New Year’s Eve, Michelle writes down everything she has been grateful for that happened that year and this gives her perspective on far she has come.
She adds, “For those items which I may still regret, I allow myself to breathe into forgiveness, knowing that I did the best I could, and with my awareness of what happened, allow myself to move into full awareness into challenges moving forward.”
She believes that being grounded in the present with gratitude, builds positive momentum forward.
According to Coach Lindsey Taylor-Vivier, “even from hard knocks, illness and loss, we can find something to be grateful for. I broke my neck on my wedding night in Crete. I felt sorry for myself, stupid and I was in constant pain, but in the end I can honestly say: I was lucky it wasn’t worse. Our bodies have amazing healing capabilities and the biggest gift was that the injury made me vulnerable and I learned to ask for help.”
“I keep a dedicated Gratitude Journal,” shares Coach Muriel Murphy, “which can sometimes get slightly repetitive, but it’s always fruitful to look back on what I am truly grateful for. I realized that since Covid hit I was operating from a place of fear and not from the heart centered place that is usually so familiar to me. As I shared with my yoga students on Monday, I am seeing how this fight, flight and freeze response was running through my world, and I did not like it one bit. This is where my spiritual rubber hit the road, and I had to come to terms with my shortcomings over the past 20 months. I apologized to others, forgave myself, cried a lot and stepped forward to sense my strong and loving heart once again. It’s such a journey to witness myself in those uncomfortable zones and course correct. Of course, always with a little help from my friends and family. Thank you, from my heart to yours!”
Gratitude by the Quarter, by the Year
Coach Sarah E. Spencer lives in a part of the country with four distinct weather seasons, so she gives herself quarterly New Years to pause, reflect and recalibrate, something she found especially invaluable the last two years. One of Sarah’s foundational practices is to “understand my sphere of influence and what I can control and not control. Especially in these ambiguous times, I realize that that gratitude is usually centered within the local community, friendships and supporting my clients and my professional colleagues – things I have engagement and connection with.”
Sarah’s personal practice starts with reviewing writings of visions, aspirations and goals. ”I create space to be thankful, celebrate progress, note additions or those things that I can’t believe actually happened, and to sit with topics that I still yearn to have happened. And to welcome each ‘seasonal New Year’, I plan a meal for friends that celebrates the best of the upcoming months.”
“I welcome the New Year by taking time a day or so before, to find a quiet stretch of time with no distractions during which I meditate with the intention of gratitude for the blessings of the year that is coming to a close” says Coach Michelle H. Marsan. “I let all those blessings sink in and fill me with a sense of peace. It is usually quite a beautiful experience and I am left feeling open, centered and calm.”
Journaling can help set intentions for your life
“Next, I sit down with a cup of tea and my notebook. I start fresh, with an open mind; writing on what I would like to bring into my life. I make sure to hit all the targets: personal, family related, creative and career goals. If I am feeling particularly ambitious, I journal about my goals as if I already have them in my life. I write about how much joy I am experiencing and all the good things that are happening as a result. I know that on days when I am feeling depleted, or depressed, I can take the journal entry out, reread it and feel all that positive energy.
On New Year’s day, I go back and look at those goals that I set for myself and I come up with an action plan to jumpstart and get the energy moving in the right direction. I also like going back to my journal and finding my previous year’s goals. I review what I wrote and see what came about during the year as a result of writing those goals. It is usually quite moving to see how the simple act of writing is the first step in the manifestation, and how consistently this practice works!”
Michelle shares a New Year’s ritual you can do with yourself or with friends and family – “hold a ceremony, perhaps by gathering around a fire pit and sharing one thing that you are grateful for from the past year and one thing that you admire and appreciate about the person sitting next to you. Next, write down one thing you would like to let go of for this coming year and burn it in the fire, releasing the hold that it has on you. Then finish it off by singing Destiny’s Child – Survivor or Alicia Keys – Girl on Fire or The Roots – Now or Never.”
Registering Gratitude Every Single Day
Several years ago, I myself, made a decision to start every day by registering gratitude – thankfulness to be alive, thankfulness to having the opportunity to make better choices in satisfying my needs and wants and being happy, and thankfulness to be able to support my loved ones to do the same.
For my gratitude practice, I clear my mind every single morning, make a list of the important areas of my life like health, family, work etc, reflect on what is working and what can be improved in each area without any kind of judgement. I make a list of what I want to keep doing and how I might do it better. I make a list of what I want to stop doing and how I can get out of that habit or obligation.
I think about what I have learned from things that were not positive and remind myself that they happened for a reason, which often is beyond our understanding.
Charles Vivier
This New Year, why don’t you take a little time to celebrate yourself and all the people in your life, the everyday blessings that give us hope and strength to live, love and share peace and light in the New Year!
Charles is a Relationship Coach who works with people seeking truth and authenticity in who they are and what they do. He is a former entrepreneur, an ex-competitive athlete, and a part of a bi-cultural French American family. Charles coachs in French and English. An Associate Certified Coach, he is also an ICF Mentor Coach, a Facilitator at MMS NorCal and the MMS Worldwide Institute. Founding Circle, MMS NorCal Coaching Collective.
Today, 21 December 2021, is the winter solstice, the shortest day of the year, just before one year ends and a New Year begins. As holiday preparations are in full swing and we are getting ready to ring in the New Year, we asked MMSNorCal coaches about how they reset, reflect and rejuvenate.
What do I really want to do during the Holidays?
That’s the question Coach Sarah E. Spencer likes to start with: “There are so many expectations from family, friends and ourselves, some we have control over, some we don’t. I ask myself, what will I find energizing, which traditions do I want to carry forward this year, or is there another way to find the same satisfaction?”
For years she baked, delivered or mailed 100 cookie boxes during this time.
Sarah loved carrying on the cookie traditions from her mother, grand-mother and mothers before her, so she baked one batch of each favorite cookie to give to the elders. But over time, she also learned to make adjustments to many of her favorite holiday things – lots of cookies and candy, wine that flows at parties, the French cheese plate – and instead, savor a special treat every day, drink extra water, and make sure to get enough sleep.
Coach Michelle Hayden-Marsan prepares for the holidays by asking: “What do I want to do for myself and for others this holiday season? I make a list with a few very simple things. What do I want to make for others as an act of gratitude for their friendship? I might decide to bake cookies, make a batch of kahlua or fragrant sachets. The act of “making something” with love and tying it up with the perfect packaging brings me joy and exemplifies the holiday spirit for me.”
Coach Michelle Mueller Ihrig believes: “it is a great practice to set regular time aside each week to plan the week ahead. I usually do this on a weekend morning, or if not then, in the evening. I make sure to carve out time to make a plan. This is a great practice to avoid feeling like life is racing ahead uncontrolled, and instead to instill a sense of calm and knowing that I am infusing my actions with intention and that I am in charge of my time. This is especially true during the holidays.”
Michelle recommends you “grab a calendar, and if the house is busy, take off to your favorite coffee shop or outdoor spot for an hour and you’ll be amazed how much you accomplish. Make a quick list to give you a sense of where you’d like to focus, prioritize, make a plan and feel your empowerment!”
Practices that can help You to Reset, Rest, & Renew
The holidays are a busy time and we all have the tendency to fill our calendars with shopping, parties and family events. Coach Carla Morton thinks “it’s important to block out down time so we can rest, recover and rejuvenate, rather than press on through the holidays non-stop.”
Prioritize time off from a busy social calendar to keep your immune system in check. Take vitamins, drink a lot of water, get fresh air and make sure to get enough sleep!
Coach Carla Morton
Coach Sarah in fact does just that; she schedules time to ‘Undo the Doer’ – no alarms, no to-do lists, no social engagements, no pre-ordained expectations including social media, texts or calls. Sarah turns off the ringer and sets a timer so that for just a little time – or a few hours – she can just Be; a practice she finds very restorative.
“I like to give myself time to be mindful and grounded around the holidays. I know there will be so many wonderful times with my family, but also exhaustion, frustrations and triggers from the past and family dynamics can feel overwhelming. I go into the holidays and family time with clarity around my intentions and with boundaries, giving myself permission to leave when I feel ready,” says Coach Lindsey Taylor. “This means I spend 15-30 minutes on my own in the morning or before a family meal. I might offer to do an errand, go for a short walk or rest. During this time I connect with myself and imagine how I want to show up around my family, as my authentic self, confident and secure.”
Coach Muriel Murphy, a very social and fun loving person, lives alone. To make sure she is not over isolating, she makes plans to cultivate a balance of time with others.
She says, “After a busy schedule of parties, dancing to live music and lunch and dinner dates, I love to stay home, make a pot of chicken soup or hunker down in bed with a cup of tea, a good movie or some other binge worthy series and just chill.”
Coach Muriel finds a daily hike to be a huge reset for her nervous system along with a nightly practice of Legs Up the Wall pose, Nadi Shodana or alternate nostril breathing, and a short silent meditation just before bed.
To feel refreshed and renewed in anticipation of the New Year, Coach Michelle Mueller Ihrig also makes time for quiet and time to move the body. “Quiet time can be a morning practice of taking some time to stretch in bed before getting up; Lighting a candle, listening to a guided meditation, mindfully making a nice cup of hot tea or coffee; Waking all your senses – being aware of your body, your mood, emotions, sounds, feeling of your surroundings. Become a simple observer, and in the stillness, set an intention and choose how you’d like to show up that day.” Since moving and stretching releases tension and signals the brain to release endorphins, Coach Michelle then likes doing some simple exercises or walking outside, breathing in fresh air, connecting with nature and grounding herself.
Holiday times often involve traveling to be with family and staying in their homes. Rather than allowing this to disrupt his routine, Coach Charles Vivier prepares himself mentally and shares his practices with family members so that he can take care of his own needs for quiet time and make time to move and stretch his body.
Time to Reflect on the Past Year
As we are wrapping up one year and gearing up for the next, Coach Michelle likes to spend a time reflecting on the following four things:
What accomplishments and acknowledgements did I have this year?
Which activities do I want to continue to pursue next year?
What new items do I want to add to the list? For example, new learnings, stretching outside my comfort zone, making time for things that are important but often get overlooked like relationships with people who mean a lot to me.
What are my top 5 Values? Reviewing and prioritizing my top 5 Values, allows me to bring my whole person to the table, and live a Values driven life with intention, purpose and meaning.
Coach Charles also takes stock of what works and what can be improved to live better with these prompts:
I acknowledge myself for doing the best I can without judgement or comparison.
I cannot change the past, but I can reframe what happened.
I welcome everyday with a growth mindset, an opportunity to learn, change and grow.
I can be conscious, focus on the now, set reachable goals and enjoy the journey.
His practices include eating healthy, exercising for at least an hour every day and abstaining from alcohol for one month. Since sleep is when the body rejuvenates and Charles knows how important it is to health and wellbeing, he prepares for sleep by quieting the mind and visualizing a restorative sleep. To become an even more compassionate coach, Charles is studying Internal Family Systems. Similar to MMS NorCal and Dr. Cherie Carter-Scott’s concept of sub-personalities, this powerfully transformative, evidence-based model of psychotherapy helps people discover, explore, heal and integrate their subs or parts of the mind.
Setting Thoughtful Resolutions and Goals for the New Year
Coach Lindsey says, “In December, I become inquisitive and start asking friends and family about their New Year’s Resolutions. Sometimes I get inspired by their answers and it makes me ask deeper questions to myself. I give myself time to dream and wonder about what I want to grow, change, learn.”
Some of the questions that Coach Lindsey considers include:
What did I do well this year, what am I proud of?
What goal did I not accomplish that I set out to, and why, what got in the way?
What personal, professional, financial, development, & physical goals do I want for the New Year?
She wants to make sure each goal is not too big and feels manageable so she can reach them and celebrate when she does achieve them.
For Coach Carla, this time is not just the end of the calendar year, it is also her birthday and the beginning of another New Year. She reflects on the lesson or theme for the past year. Instead of setting a New Year’s Resolution, Coach Carla likes to think about “the kind of life I’d like to live that is more expansive than the one I’ve been living” and she makes a list of small steps she can take to move in that direction. “Often what I see is that there is a part of me that needs to expand. Perhaps I need to be more open-hearted or take more risks. Perhaps I need to go outside of my comfort zone and do something I don’t usually do. This is also a time where I like to write in my journal a list of intentions for the next year and then read again what my intentions were for the previous year. I usually find a lot of my intentions were realized!”
Coach Michelle Hayden-Marsan also takes this time to reconnect. “I don’t send cards like in previous years because it is too much work and leaves me feeling rushed and pressured. Instead, I take that week of holiday break to call a few of my special people and wish them well and reconnect instead”.
To help prepare for, and welcome in the New Year, Coach Muriel makes it a conscious point to reconnect with friends and family, “asking each person how they’ve been since we last met and simply check in, slow down and catch up.” With the pandemic restricting our lives to meeting online this past year, Muriel practices presence with each person she reconnects with. “This helps me to restore and feel a strong sense of belonging with them in my life.”
How will you Reset, Reflect, and Rejuvenate yourself?
Sarah is a consultant to the higher and global education sector and the Founder & Managing Director at OnPoint Global Strategies & Coaching. She is also a Professional Coach at the MMS NorCal Institute of Northern California and works with non-profit leaders, professionals and teams who find themselves at crossroads or want to improve their leadership acumen.
Have you told yourself more than once that you’d like to have more creativity in your life? Spend more time dancing, painting, journaling, or playing the guitar?
What does the process of creative self-exploration look like to you?
Have you thought about the benefits of a creative practice?
These are good questions and you are not alone in asking them.
Creativity cannot be produced instantly on demand or as Twyla Tharp, one of America’s greatest choreographers, says, “Creativity is not a gift from the gods, it is the product of preparation and effort, and it’s within reach of everyone who wishes to achieve it.”
When you tap into your creativity, when you are completely absorbed and captivated with whatever it is you are doing, you are in a state of flow – a relaxed feeling and state of being that slows your heart rate, focuses your mind, reduces feelings of anxiety and boosts your sense of well being.
Creativity is good for the body and the mind – when you are in flow, the body reduces cortisol, the hormone produced by stress, anger and fear and releases endorphins and other feel-good hormones.
Creative expression can be used as a means to surface unconscious thoughts, become aware of unresolved emotions, process trauma and unblock feeling stuck.
Creative expression can also be used to visualize and dream of bigger and better futures for ourselves.
Creativity Techniques
The creative process using any number of techniques – from sketching, coloring, and writing poetry to making pottery, vision boarding and more – can help you explore feelings and contemplate questions, such as:
What makes you feel good?
What do you want to let go of that is no longer serving you?
What is stopping you from having a regular, creative practice?
Are you doing the work to get where you want to be?
Sustained creativity, according to Tharp, begins with rituals, self-knowledge, harnessing your memories and organizing your materials, so no insight is ever lost.
“Being creative is not a once- in -a- while sort of thing. Being creative is an everyday thing, a job with its own routines. The routine is as much a part of the creative process as the lightning bolt of inspiration (perhaps more).”
Twyla Tharp
Creativity Can Make Your Heart Sing
Do you recall a time when you created something that made your heart sing? Something that surprised you; made you ask, “I did this?”
These breakthroughs are a result of showing up at the table, sitting down at the piano, or stepping into the dance studio… They demonstrate how having a consistent practice leads to self-fulfillment by creating a channel for a deeper connection into who we are and what we are capable of achieving.
I remember the first time that I realized this for myself, in art school. I was in a rigorous program which I loved. The process of having to intensely investigate the mediums, learn from the masters and do a deep dive into the creative method produced work that I never knew I was capable of doing; I literally was astonished to see what I produced.
At the time, I was fascinated with doing large portraits of individual faces. Just the head, the face, nothing more; what came from within were images with great strength and character.
Later, I would come to understand that my fascination with focusing on the faces of people was really about my captivation of people in general. I am drawn (no pun intended) by the stories that each person carries within. Who they are, where they came from, both geographically and fundamentally; how they got to where they are now.
I can see how my becoming a Certified Coach many years later is a direct line from the act of creating those powerful portraits.
Creativity can Release Unlimited Potential
Our everyday creative practice is a way to bring the inside of ourselves out, to the surface, to see, in all its glory. Each expression is a unique representation of our imagination, as only we can do it. How exciting is that?
The fact that within all of us there exists an unlimited amount of potentially beautiful works; be they dances, musical compositions, sculptures etc… This is the field of pure potentiality.
When we have the desire, but not the discipline, to show up every day for our practice, think of all the possibilities of expression that are lost to us.
Had Van Gogh not had the compulsion and drive to produce the body of work that he did, what a loss would that be, not only for him, but for society as a whole. All the people who he inspired through his work, and the works that they created as a result, would not be the same, were it not for his influence. And we can say that for everyone who shows up and works on their craft; diligently pursuing something new every day.
When we do the work, we are not only creating a piece of work, but we are processing, we are exploring, digging deep into our subconscious and working things out.
What’s Stopping You From Being Creative?
Children are naturally open, curious and fearless, expressing their creativity with joy and ease. We as adults however, are more self-conscious, focused on results and worried about being judged.
What’s stopping you from being creative and building a consistent creative practice?
What are your reasons for not showing up regularly?
Is it that you can’t seem to find the right time, the right space, or do you not have the energy?
That sense of inertia can be eradicated through the act of simply showing up for yourself. Doing one thing, one day at a time. Little by little, we build up steam, we see progress, we are moved by what we see arise from ourselves every day; and before we know it, we start feeling inspired. One day we wake up and we can’t wait to get to that drawing board, or sit down with our guitar…
What reasons are you telling yourself for not committing to what you want to do?
How do you feel when you aren’t able to show up and be the person that you want to be?
I know for myself, I have found that without a regular creative practice, my inspiration wanes, my creative juices are blocked and I feel as though I am caught in a vicious cycle of disappointment and guilt. At times I feel like I am stuck in self-sabotage mode. It can feel pretty awful and can filter into all aspects of life: how I show up for other people, lack of motivation, feelings of inadequacy, unhappiness and lack of self-worth. How can I call myself an artist if I don’t show up as one?
Anything You Want Is Possible
When we feel stuck – it’s hard to remember that anything we want for ourselves is within our reach, is possible. ANYTHING. Feeling stuck is a direct line to feeling unfulfilled. When we are not feeling excited and we are not leading a fulfilling life, we are unhappy; plain and simple.
OUR DESIRE TO ACCOMPLISH OUR GOALS HAS TO OUTWEIGH OUR DESIRE TO STAY EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE.
How important is it for you to break through your complacency?
On a scale of 1 to 10, how much do you want to do this?
Whatever number you come up with in answer to that question exemplifies your commitment level. Your desire to change has to be much stronger than your desire to keep things as is.
What is your number? Are you ready to get started on your path to self-exploration? To feel the flow? To unleash your full potential with the benefits of a creative practice?
If all of this is overwhelming but you are ready to embark on your journey, consider using a professional Coach as your guide! (NOTE: Images featured in this blog are from original artwork by Michelle Hayden-Marsan.)
Michelle Hayden-Marsan is an artist and MMS NorCal certified professional Coach who works with parents, people in transition, and people in the creative arts to help them determine where they would like to be and support them on their journey. As an artist, Michelle creates unique pet portraits in a bold, graphic style. Her illustrations have appeared in Modern Dog Magazine and her paintings are seen in homes, pet stores and veterinary offices across the country. View pet portraits on her website at Michelle Hayden-Marsan Pet Portraits.
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